Women have been advised most times to stay in an abusive marriage because no marriage is perfect. Whereas men are offered so many options of checking out of their marriage once there is an intolerable situation in the marriage. Worst still is the fact that family and friends will make the woman look like a bad person if she ever decides to opt out of the marriage. This raises the question should a woman remain in an abusive marriage?
To answer this question, we need to first of all consider what is an abuse. Abuse in marriage means mistreating, maltreating or misusing a woman in marriage. There are various forms of abuse in marriage. There is physical abusive which everyone knows about and which is outrightly condemned in marriage. However, there are other types of abuse which are not conspicuous. This type of abuse are s*xual abuse, financial abuse, emotional abuse amongst others.
What Is Physical Abuse
Physical Abuse is the beating of a spouse. A man who beats his wife for whatever reason is abusing the woman physically. Unlike other forms of abuse, the injury suffered by a victim is visible. Physical abuse is life threatening and many have died in their marriage through this means. Do you think a woman should remain in a marriage where she is being beaten? Keep reading to find out!
What Is S*xual Abuse
This happens when a man forcefully sleeps with his wife without mutual consent. Yes it is the man’s right not to be denied his conjugal right. However, it must be by mutual agreement. A woman might be in her period, might have worked her ass out taking care of the home front or might just have genuine reasons for not being in the mood. When a man constantly forms the habit of forcefully having his way that is termed rape which is an abuse. A woman in this situation mostly suffers trauma, depression or might even feel suicidal as a result. Do you think it is safe for the mental health of the woman to remain with such a man?
S*xual abuse can also be the other way round. In this situation the man denies the woman s*x because he satisfies himself outside the marriage. There are women who haven’t slept with their husband within the last 6months to 1 year. Yet the woman is expected to be faithful to the man and any act of disloyalty from her all hell would be let loose. How is the woman expected to satisfy her s*xual urge. Yet the society celebrates the adulterous nature of the man and still finds a way to blame the woman for it. Should a woman who is fully aware the man is satisfying himself outside and refusing to touch her stick to the man?
What Is Financial Abuse
When a woman is denied financial support or is humiliated first by the husband before he can help her financially this is tantamount to financial abuse. Financial abuse can be a torture to the woman especially if she has no means of supporting herself financially.
There are men that before they can give money to their wife especially if she is a full housewife she must give every details of what the money will be used for like a kindergarten. She will be interrogated severely like a maid after which the man might end up telling her she is wasteful and won’t give her a dime. Of course a woman shouldn’t depend completely on her husband. However, the man is obligated to provide for the woman and it is her right to request for finacial support.
You’ll see some women especially housewives looking tattered. Whereas the man goes out to spend on prostitutes. The woman can’t even afford nice wigs, bags, shoes and dress but the husband buys all these for other women outside. Should such a woman remain a slave in that house. Doing all the domestic chores, taking care of the man and the children without being supported by the man financially?
What Is Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse has to do with all the above abuse mentioned and even more! A man who deprives his wife of love, care, affection and companionship is abusing the woman emotionally. This results in severe loneliness, depression and trauma for the woman.
Emotional abuse can also come in the form of being disrespected by the man. He talks to the woman non-chalantly in the public, in private or even in the presence of family members. It could also be by saying hurtful and dehumanizing words to the woman. This affects the woman self esteem and confidence. This is the reason some women have low self esteem.
Another form of emotional abuse is cheating. When a man is a womanizer, a cheat who can’t respect his wife by keeping his zippers closed he destroys the emotions of the woman. Infact he completely ruins the woman. He turns the woman into a psycho. The woman becomes completely unhappy, unjoyful, hypertensive, depressed, traumatized just name it.
Cheating is the worst type of emotional abuse for a woman. The fear of even contracting s*xually transmitted disease from the man or even imagining how the man is sleeping with other girls while making out with him. It’s enough torture to destroy any woman’s mental health. Should a woman continue to stay in this condition while her mental health keeps depleting?
Should A Woman Remain In An Abusive Marriage?
After reading the above what do you think? Should a woman remain in an abusive marriage and just hope for the best that someday the man would come to his senses?
The truth is that only the woman can decide whether she wants to remain in an abusive marriage or not. Only her knows her capacity mentally and otherwise in enduring the abuse she goes through. No one has the right to judge her or tell her to endure it if it’s beyond what she can endure.
The fact that someone else can endure an abusive marriage doesn’t mean you should. Everyone has their unique makeup, thus what A can endure might lead to the death of B if she endures the same. Women should also desist from encouraging fellow women to remain in an abusive marriage against their wish or even lambast those who decides to opt out.
Scripturally, the only reason to opt out of a marriage is cheating. However, separation is allowed if your life is in danger. Physical Abuse and other forms of abuse poses a danger to the life of the woman. Thus, the woman can separate from such spouse until the man changes.
Marriage is not suppose to be an endurance journey, a hellfire for the woman. Marriage should be enjoyable despite the highs and lows of a marriage. God never designed marriage to be a punishment for women. It was suppose to be a haven where a woman is protected, provided for, cared for and loved.
Most importantly, never stay in an abusive marriage because of the fear of what people will say. If you die in there people would still blame you for not opting out. Remember, abuse can lead to your death so be sure of your decision if you opt to stay. Especially if it is physical abuse, I strongly recommend you leave immediately to safeguard your life.
Additionally, opting out of an abusive marriage whether temporarily or permanently depending on the type of abuse can be of more good than harm sometimes. For instance, the kids will not be exposed to a toxic relationship which mind end up making them a toxic spouse. You will also be mentally stable to take care of your kids. Your spouse will not end up in jail or lose his life if he ends up killing you if you don’t leave.
Whether you decide to stay or leave ensure you weigh the consequences of your decision. This is not a decision to be made by anyone neither should you allow anyone to gulit trip you for your decision. You know yourself better and thus knows what is best for you.