Couples, the union of marriage is not about ease especially within the first five years of marriage.I received this advice about two weeks after I was married. As is common in new marriages, my wife and I had disagreed about something that seemed trivial to me — where to hang up wet towels — but had escalated to become a larger disagreement.
I phoned my best male friend, a guy I’ve known since high school days. Although we’re the same age, he was married 7 years earlier, so I figured he’d learned something along the way that I still needed to pick up on.
My larger complaint was that I thought marriage was going to be easier than it seemed. My wife and I were establishing a home together, and a home should be a place of restoration and comfort, not a place where we argued about towels, of all stupid things.
My friend challenged that idea. Certainly a home should become a place of peace, he said, but with all the intricacies of interpersonal communication and establishing a lasting marriage partnership, why would anyone expect a marriage to be easy — particularly when it’s just beginning?
Nothing else in life that’s worth doing happens without effort, he added. Graduating from university isn’t easy. Getting a job isn’t easy. Succeeding in a career isn’t easy. Becoming a good parent isn’t easy. These all take mindfulness, energy, and resilience, and there are learning curves to each new stage of life.
Instead of telling me that my wife was wrong and I was right, he gave me this gem of practical wisdom: “When it comes to disagreements in your marriage, always err on the side of caution.”
Meaning, the issue is not about wet towels. The issue is that their specific placement is something your wife values — for whatever her reasons. So if those wet towels are important to her, then don’t dismiss the issue casually. Instead, be cautious enough to realize that the kernel of the issue is something that means something to her.
In all matters of disagreement — even in something as seemingly small as where to hang wet towels — the solution is to proceed with carefulness, thoughtfulness, and attentiveness.
In a nutshell: seek to understand, rather than becoming annoyed.
source:artofmanliness