Marriage is an opportunity to learn, take responsibility,grow and evolve into your best selves, ” describes Zimmerman. A Nigerian singer puts it this way” igbeyawo Ile eko ni( meaning marriage is an institution for learning) “In challenging times, the best thing you can do is take responsibility for your role in the situation and do what you can to make things right. Blaming your partner perpetuates unhealthy dynamics and keeps you both from what’s most important — resolving things in a respectful manner.” But taking responsibility doesn’t just count behind closed doors. “Taking responsibility also means being responsible for the way you treat your partner in front of others,” she says. “Always say nice things about him and if you’re not able to, don’t say anything at all.”
You may experience this as you are dating, and many go-go-go couples see this happen in their marriages: “When life gets busy, it’s easy for couples to become ships passing in the night,” Kift describes. “Be sure to carve out time to see how the other is doing, ask how they are feeling, and if there’s anything they would like to discuss related to your relationship. This makes your partner feel like they and the relationship matters. It’s easy to be honest when the going’s good. But practicing honest and open communication is an important skill to have mastered for when things get challenging, says Lisa Kift, Larkspur, California-based marriage therapist and founder of Love and Life Toolbox. “Couples should learn to share their feelings and tackle conflict effectively,” she says. “Learning to express frustration, anger or upset in a productive way is the key to avoiding unhealthy relationship in a marriage.