The issue of a wife being the breadwinner is very sensitive and have torn many families apart. Many men have been mentally tortured and have come to a near death situation as a result. Why is this so and how can it be prevented.
First when the originator of marriage created the first bachelor he was given the work of taking care of the animals and providing for them and when the first woman was created and given to him as a wife, this was also extended to her. He was to to provide for her and take care of her. While she was meant to be a helper and a companion. Hence from the first marriage, this roles were clear. The man was thereby bestowed with the headship of the family and also providing for his family both physically, emotionally, spiritually and otherwise. Infact the good book says a man who can not provide for his family is worst than an infidel,this shows that the originator of marriage does not take it lightly for a man not to provide for his family.
This knowledge is deep rooted in men and Infact is part of their ego as a man to provide for the family. Unfortunately today, some men may not be able to fulfill this role due to some genuine and unavoidable reasons. Some have suffered lost of job and are in search of a new one, some have also suffered serious set back in their business and all attempts to get back on their feet seems far away. In this situation the wife takes up his role as a provider and becomes the breadwinner of the family. It’s even more frustrating for the man especially when his hope of getting back on his feet so he could start providing for the family does not seem possible.Most men who have found themselves in this situation feel very depressed, some feel like they are less a man, some might even think of taking their life, some become very petty and get irritated by every little thing their wife does, some have withdrawn from friends and family and just kept to theirselves. This is understandable as they feel their role as been usurped and they go through mental torture and it also affects their ego as a man. But is this the best way to behave under this situation?
First you have to get yourself out of the pity pot, self pity would do you no good at all, When you end up on a pity pot, self esteem virtually evaporates. Self pity will only rob you of your ego and self esteem rather remember that life is filled with challenges and you are just faced with one of life challenges. Secondly appreciate your wife’s effort in supporting the family rather than getting irritated at her for taking this role. Show her both in words and in action that you appreciate her effort. Stop picking on her and complaining about her attitude, most times this is due to your ego and the fact that you are finding it difficult to come to terms with her new role .Rather communicate more with her, look out for those things you can assist with at home that does not involve finance . Don’t frustrate her by leaving all the burden for her both financially and otherwise as this may lead her to given you attitude if she is not in control of her temperament. Discuss about the family finance with her and also let her know what you are doing to get back on your feet. Don’t just lazy about the house, wallowing in self pity and just depending on her to provide with little or no effort on your side to get back on your feet.
Spend time with friends and family especially when you feel very depressed and reach out to those who can uplift you, also read a lot of motivational books and more importantly go to your creator in prayer and continuously trust in him. Remember women do not find it easy to handle this role and there may be a lot of mood change from your wife, this is not because she doesn’t love you or disrespect you but because she is trying and fighting hard to get used to this new role. Be patience with her and increase your tolerance level, knowing she is taking on two roles both as a wife and as a provider. Also know that your wife providing for the home does not and will never make you less a man as she was given to you by the originator of marriage as your helper, thus she is fulfilling her duty as a helper.