A MUST Do:If Your Partner Deny You S*x

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Madamenoire.com
Madamenoire.com

When our spouse, who we lust after, love, care for, admire and respect doesn’t want to join us in the bedroom, nothing feels more shaming and rejecting. S*x is so important to a healthy marriage that the denying of it by one party in the partnership is a withholding that carries serious weight. Even the Bible [Corinthians 7:3] states that a man’s body belongs to his wife as much as it belongs to him.To deny your partner s*x can lead to justified deep
resentment and anger. You are not being validated as desirous by the person who is supposed to be your confidence builder and self-esteem healer! Naturally, you are bound to feel awful inside if your spouse continually rejects your body and s*x. You must be very kind with yourself and your feelings surrounding this issue. You need to take care of yourself and treat yourself gently.  You also need not to allow negative emotion to surface and boil up inside you.
There is a big difference between feeling your feelings and acting on your feelings. Most spouse don’t want to accept how dark and painful their feelings of s*xual rejection are and as a result, those feelings bottle-up and then take over, making these spouse act out in ways that are damaging to the relationship and to their own self-esteem.
Examples:
• Berate their spouse to his face or behind his back.
• Flirt dangerously 
• Act jealous and spiteful with married friends.
• Throw themselves at their spouse and then explode with emotion when they are rejected.
Ironically enough, when you allow yourself to feel all your dark, ugly feelings about this s*xual problem, you are less likely to act out on those feelings. When you bring negative feelings to the forefront of your conscious mind, they don’t subconsciously make decisions for you.  You want to strive to be a witness to all your feelings without them owning you in moments of weakness! Giving yourself permission to feel your negative feelings is much easier when you are taking care of yourself by pampering yourself, praising yourself, doting on yourself, etc.
When you are in a positive place about your body and your self-image, you can risk diving into those dark emotions when they rear their ugly heads, because you’ll know that you can come out of them and return to a place of self-acceptance and general inner peace.
When you are not allowing yourself to love your body, and your whole self-image is wrapped up in how you feel your spouse sees you, you are not going to risk diving into those dark emotions.  They will bottle up deep down inside you and eventually they will spew.
Self-providing your own s*xual needs as much as possible, is a must for this reason. It’s helpful to list reasons why s*x is important for you and find 3 ways to self-provide these reasons best you can.
Example:
I love s*x because it makes me feel:
• Validated as beautiful
• Great inside when I orgasm.
• Relieved of stress.
I can self-provide validation by:
1. Saying mantras in the mirror about how beautiful I am.
2. Taking photos of myself on my iphone and upload them on facebook and soak in all the many compliments.
3. Treating myself once a week to a new item of clothing or a beauty product.
I can self-provide stress relief by Exercising more often …
 etc
You get the idea. The point is to start looking out after you so that you can start allowing all your feelings to surface.  This will stop you from sabotaging your relationship with your spouse and from taking the hurt their cold shoulder has caused you and putting an even deeper wedge between you both.
2. Communicate Your Feelings
Once you start taking care of yourself and facing the reality of how hurt you truly feel inside, it’s time to start sharing that hurt… productively!
The way you communicate your feelings to your spouse is soooo important.  I’ll give you step by step advice on how to talk to your spouse about touchy subjects.  For now, let me give you some basic tips. When you communicate your hurt (even anger) to your spouse allow yourself to share your vulnerability .
The scarier you feel inside to say something, the more likely you need to say it. Usually, the scariest things to say are not criticisms or judgments of your spouse ,they are revelations about your insecurities and needs.
Telling a spouse how much you hurt inside and how scared you are about no longer feeling lovable, worth something or even as a human, is not easy.  However, if you can share your raw truth with and can do so from a place of openness and love, their cold feelings toward you will vanish.
Usually spouse who choose not to make love with their partner are angry,sometimes at their partner and sometimes at something else completely! Sharing your vulnerability vaporizes that anger. See, anger usually is just deep fear and love kills fear. The words you choose to use when you talk with your partner and the manner in which you communicate your feelings can really influence the reaction to your words.
You must know exactly what to say to and how to say it so that your partner feels comfortable opening up about his feelings. I’ll also give you one more thing you can do to really make your partner feel frisky and ready to pounce on ya. Hint: It’s all about reaching your partner’s heart.
Yourtango.com

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